Mood:
don't askTopic: personal essay
Wasted
A lifetime gone. Years of existence spent on self-destruction. No drugs, no alcohol, no violence was needed. God gave me life. I gave it meaninglessness. Failure was not an option. It was and is, a fact. Six decades wasted. No love survived my presence.
I destroyed myself. The emotional hell that was and is, me put all around asunder. No job, no relationship, survives my emotional onslaught. All that I could have been, never was. No one, myself included, can be around me and walk away whole. I am fragmented pile of invalid humanity. Six relationships, six failures. A lifetime wasted.
This is not a self-destruct prophecy. It may be an escape mechanism. I know not to where since nowhere am I wanted. All that meet me in person shun me. I wear a cloak seeped in disaster. What it covers I know not. Is there a core, a seed worthy of salvation? This begs the question of, is, there any prayer of a future? With the history of emotional degradation, no chance exists for a future relationship. I have wasted, nay, destroyed, shattered, all dreams. I no longer have a chance at love, or a relationship. My declining years shall fade to dark and everyone’s relief.
