Mood:
happyTopic: uplifting
Self Analysis
Depression? I almost envy those that have it, at least they have the option of medication. You’ll note the keyword almost in that previous sentence. No, I’m not really in the vise grips of depression. If I were, I probably couldn’t write this.
Sadness overwhelms me, even as I pen these words, I have made many mistakes in my life. Social anxiety defines me in public. I hate crowds! This disorder has also limited my circle of friends. In other words, my brain is broken.
It’s been said that I am always angry. I also give orders. I have to be in control. That is not me. That is NOT what I want to be! But that is how I am seen. How many lives have I destroyed? How many people have I alienated?
My main problem is patience, or rather the lack thereof. I feel my anger and depressive state is centered, triggered, by this. Because I want everything yesterday, I expect those around me to be the same way. That is not right, but I don’t know how to fix it.
A very precious friend pointed these faults out to me. I wish I had met Joyce years ago. But my destiny was to wait until I could understand the diagnosis. It was my destiny to experience life. I had to be in certain places at certain times. It had to wait until I accepted the fact that I can write well. It took time and a psychologist/writer to teach me.
