Mood:  hug me

Words

The American language is one of the most confusing. One word can have several different meanings, depending on the context in which it is being used. To complicate matters, a word can change in meaning when spoken because of vocal inflections. A good example in written language is the word ‘mean’. To ask for a definition, one asks, “What do you mean?” To say someone is not nice, “He is so mean to me.” but one can say someone is good at something as in, “She plays a mean game of pool.”

Four words, when written mean on thing but can change drastically when spoken. Again, these are also context driven and can be interpreted both ways if properly extrapolated. Tell someone in words, “I love you too” and you probably are returning a sentimental emotion. Tell someone that during a pool game and your vocal inflections Imply sarcasm. In other words, you’re telling your opponent thanks for not giving you anything to shoot at.

It is very easy to read a word, a sentence and give it the wrong meaning. How often do we fall into the trap of sadness or anger when reading someone else’s words only to find out it was read incorrectly? How often do we hurt others by not saying something clearly?

That is only part of the problem. We often read things between the lines or alter the meaning of a phrase based on our personal background or by knowing the writer of those words. We see a definition and we get sad or angry with whomever penned the phrase. Yet by simply asking for clarification, we could save ourselves a lot of emotional turmoil. We don’t because in our mind, we read what we thought the other person meant.

Misunderstanding the words of others can be a painful lesson on both sides. One must learn to write in such a way that this situation is avoided. It is not easy. We must learn to choose our words carefully.

Posted by theessaywriter at 8:22 PM CDT

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Mood:  sad

Best Friends

“You’re going to hate me, I just know it. But I respect you enough to tell you.”

What the person told their best friend doesn’t matter. Nor is it gender specific. What matters is that one friend made a mistake serious enough to derail the friendship. But the value of this friendship gave them the strength to own up to the error. Friendship is based on trust. Obviously the stronger the bonds of friendship, the deeper the trust.

That trust, once violated will not destroy the bonds of friendship. Owning up to mistakes is the first step in forgiveness, of rebuilding bridges. With trust at full strength, distance is not a factor. But the bonds between only friends is much more fragile. Something as simple as refusing to help a friend with an easy task can shatter these bonds beyond repair.

So what makes best friends so special? Is it because when you have really good news, you have someone to share it with? is it when your world is crumbling, you have someone to console you? A best friend shares, with the same degree, your happiness. But when something or someone pulls the rug out from under you, your best friend is there with the biggest and softest cushion to help catch you.

One comment that pops up every now and again and usually just from males is that best friends must be of the same gender. Males cannot have females as a best friend. That statement, in its entirety, is totally wrong! To hear someone say something similar is to have met a macho type male.

To find a best friend, you have to be one. It takes someone very special to be a best friend. Across these bonds pass the most intimate baring of souls. Best friends often know each other better than they know themselves. Then there is the ultimate category, extended family.

It is this category alone that the bonds are virtually indistinguishable from biological ties. Extended families would, in many cases, lay down their life for the other members. When speaking about an extended family member with someone else, it is done very reverently. This category of best friends is very rare. For those fortunate enough to be in this category, love, cherish and nourish each other often.

Posted by theessaywriter at 9:03 AM CDT

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Mood:  hug me

Kids with Difficulties

Under any circumstances, being a kid is hard work. There are so many things to deal with. Early on the children learn the rules of the home. It starts with how to speak to parents, evolving into keeping the bedroom picked up. There are rules of who a child may speak with and often, when to speak. Then they start school and a whole new set of rules comes into play. Now there’s the teacher’s rule, peer pressure and soon, homework.

Add to all of the above, emotional disabilities. Some of these are controllable with medication while others cannot be. Unfortunately, even though medication is available and diagnosis possible, it all too often takes a long time, if ever. Let me explain that better.

Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD is the most common of the emotional disorders. This is often used as a catchall diagnosis that isn’t always correct. By doing that, the real problems may not be discovered for years. ADD and ADHD symptoms are very similar to another disorder that is harder to properly get diagnosed. This is because doctors do not like to brand children with the label of bipolar disorder. By not accepting this possibility, full diagnosis isn’t performed and treatment not offered. The child loses.

Even when bipolar is medically recognized, too many parents refuse to accept it. Thus, no treatment is given. Instead the child may or may not receive medication for ADD/ADHD and keep getting in trouble when he/she ‘acts up’. The only way to prevent this is education.

If parents, medical personnel, and teachers knew more about bipolar and ADD and could understand the differences, maybe a more correct diagnosis could be made at a younger age. There is no cure, nor is it anyone’s fault, that these disorders happen. But, correct diagnosis and proper treatment gives these children a much better chance of a happy and productive life.

Posted by theessaywriter at 7:38 PM CDT

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Mood:  happy

Aftermath

”See mom, that strip of red proves there is a Dairy Queen for fish!”

The Cedar River is a quiet body of water. It flows through the middle of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. There is an island big enough to house the city government buildings. Sometimes snow runoff up north and/or rain brings the water up to flood level. But the seawalls and levees are designed to a height to protect everything from these annual high water levels.

Then came the Spring and Summer of 2008. No one knew the water could get that high. The island disappeared. A railroad bridge with a string of loaded cars collapsed. This created an artificial dam. Add to the mix the fact that it rained enough to make Noah proud.

At its height, it all but covered the Dairy Queen on First Avenue. That opening statement is not an exaggeration. There was, at most, two feet of its famous red roof above the water line. This business is five blocks from the river on the west side.

The damage was extensive. Here is a very short list.

Main Library: At least eight feet deep on the main floor. It’s one block from

                      the east side of the river.

Clark Gas Station: A partially filled tank broke through the concrete and

                      floated away. This business is located five blocks away on the

                      west side.

Major furniture store: Water to second floor, located right on the east side

                      river bank.

County Jail: Located on the island, will take a year to repair. It is less than

                      ten years old.

Mercy Hospital – Water covered first floor. Building had to be evacuated.

                      It’s located nine blocks from the river on the east side.

8,000 – 9,000 buildings have to be razed. There are broken windows and doors in all the downtown buildings. The buildings are standing but otherwise it looks like ground zero. There were few if any fatalities, little or no looting.

Maybe by next year, it will again look like home. Cedar Rapids now knows the effects of a slow tsunami. This flood exceeded the cities five hundred year plan. The previous record flood level was 18.0 feet. This year it hit 32.0 feet. We got wet.

Posted by theessaywriter at 1:21 PM CDT

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Mood:  happy

Religion – A Treatise

[Warning: This piece is not for everyone.]

“Do not push your Bible, your God, on me. I do not believe as you.”

“Preach to me of your love, your God. I want to learn more.”

Which of these statements is true? Which statement has the most meaning? The individual in statement one indicates a closed mind. Individual two displays a willingness to learn. Both of these individuals may be Christian. But their supreme being goes by a different name and their tome of reference uses a different title. However, it begs the question, does one have to be a Christian to believe in a God? Conversely, does God require a person to belong to a religion?

The answer to both is a resounding no. God is not a physical entity that demands obedience. The supreme deity, by whatever name he/she be called, is the light from which all emerge. This darkness we call life is softened by the gentle hand of light we call God. This supreme deity resides within all of us. It is by our faith that we evoke the true meaning of the one true God.

The hand of man wrote the Bible, Koran and other religious tomes. In the original, God may have guided the hands of the authors. Years of interpretation and misinterpretation have drastically altered these texts. There is no way to retrieve the originals. But we don’t have to. There is another way. It’s called Faith.

Faith is not magic. It is the ability to believe something for which there is no scientific proof. The most powerful statement ever issued was; have faith, it will work out. One does not have to be a Catholic or a Muslim to have faith. But it takes almost super human strength to have faith at our darkest moments. Trust in God, your God, and all will happen for the best. We all have our doubts when we do not get the answers we expect. But if your faith is true, history will prove the best solution was given.

It is, by far, affairs of the heart that our faith is most severely tested. Who among us have not lost a mate and prayed for that person’s return? Too many have died as a result of a romantic rejection. A few have gone to extremes by renouncing their faith and resorted to violence. Those that retain their faith look back upon the rejection and realize destiny and God had other plans for them.

Neither faith nor God has anything to do with monetary or physical possessions gain. God is the power within all of us to live a spiritual and truthful life. Faith is our ability to follow through. Our desire to enrich ourselves financially is not based on faith nor is it a gift from God. Our desire to help others without expecting personal gain is true faith. Life is unpredictable; do you know where your faith is?

Posted by theessaywriter at 1:20 PM CDT

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Mood:  happy

Friends

“You did what?!? I hate you!”

“I’m sorry. I had to put him in his place. Nobody puts down my friends!”

True friends do watch out for each other. Does friend one really hate friend two in this opening scene? No, it was just a reactive statement. A true friend is not only there when you need them, but even when you think you don’t.

Those that only profess to be your friend do not offer support. All to often they are a friend until you do something that upsets them. These are the ones that do not understand forgiveness. This is the class of friends that are the most dangerous. They pull you in, pat you on the back and throw you away like last weeks fish.

It isn’t hard to tell the difference. A true friend is someone you can trust. It is a bond that you will feel. A true friend forgives you when you do something wrong. This is the person that will share your darkest and saddest moments. True friends cry together and laugh together. Fair weather friends walk away when you cry. They know not empathy for others. They will hurt you and will walk away. Your pain is meaningless to them. A true friend feels your pain. If they are the cause of this pain, it hurts them many times as much. Nothing short of full forgiveness eases this pain. I know, I’ve been there.

Then there is a special class of friend. These are the rare breed called extended family. It is the highest honor to accept or be accepted as a member of a family. There is nothing common about these people. it is this class and this class alone that earns the accolades of associated with sainthood. Extended family members are platinum in its purest form. By comparison, a diamond is just a lump of very old coal. Extended family members are angels on earth. They are very rare and I for one would willingly give my life in defense of my extended family.

Posted by theessaywriter at 1:18 PM CDT

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Mood:  happy

The Words We Live By

It is by the words of others that we live or die. It is the words of the Bible that gives us our morality. From the poets we find romance and our politicians give us the word of law. But, we must ask ourselves, what are these words, really? Do we heed the words of the Bible and slay our enemies? Do we let the poets lament soothe our ravaged heart? Is the word of the law set in stone?

These are the words we have, but must they be all there is? We as humans have the power to change the words, to reshape our world, with the words we use. We must choose our words not for how we hear but to fit well into the ears of others. We must write of truths that cannot be heard as lies. Our words of love must not throw spears of hate. We write of law, but are we seeking injustice?

The words we use must be simple enough for all to understand. The structures of our sentences must be uncontroversial. Do we say love, but display fear? The picture we paint with the words of our minds must display the purity of our heart. We are the owners of these words, but we must give of them freely.

As sentient beings we function physically based upon the sounds around us. The only sound with more power than the words we hear is the silence of the ones we don’t. Go not silently into the darkness, but use the words of truth to bring on the light. Our words are our life. Let us use them wisely.

Posted by theessaywriter at 1:17 PM CDT

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The Age of Love

“I’ve been waiting forty years to meet this guy.”

“How could you have? You’re only Forty-eight and that guy is in his sixties? Why not find someone your own age?”

“I needed the first eight years to learn how to read and the math to count my spinster years. As for my age, it really doesn’t matter. But, the ones my age are either married or ones I would never consider.”

Of all factors to consider when selecting a partner for life, age is not one of them. Why should it make any difference? Does love at thirty evolve into something different at fifty? No. It is an emotion fueled by hormones and upbringing. Age has the same meaning as skin color, none.

People mature at different rates. It’s a well-known fact that females mature earlier than males. But that is not true for everybody. It is often the underlying cause for marital distress in younger couples. Another major disparity is intellectual incompatibility. This does not imply one is smarter than the other. It does mean that each person’s interest and skills are so far apart that they have no common grounds for discussions. Again, this usually affects the younger couples.

So what makes me the expert? I’m not. But many years of observation and a few experiences allow me to offer my opinion.

If age isn’t a factor for a solid relationship, what is? Economics plays a small part. But overall, the primary and really only factor is personality. Most happily married couples think alike. If one is quiet and reserved, the odds are the mate will be also. A solid relationship is one in which each can sense the others moods and act accordingly.

The more mature couples, the ones that find their ideal mates later in life are able to base their decisions on personal experiences. They know what they like and what they expect. They do not want someone to enter their life and make dramatic changes. Nor do they plan to remake their partner. To do this, they have changed the person they selected and it usually does not go over well.

Where did age come into play? It didn’t. Does it matter which gender is older? No. The only thing that matters, the only factor or actually factors, that determine a good relationship are love and similar personalities. Love, romantic especially, is the one emotion that cannot be adequately described with words. You know it when you feel it.

Posted by theessaywriter at 1:16 PM CDT

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The Good, Bad, and Worse

I’m bossy. I don’t ask, I give orders. I have to have my own way. I’m distant. That’s nice to know. I’m also nice and suffer from social anxiety. Yep, that’s true too only now it has a name. I’ve got other problems. I even have a good side, someplace. The point of all this is that those things are things I cannot see. I’ve been that way all my life. I’ve been married, and I still didn’t know this. So why do I suddenly have this vision of me in horns? Because a very good friend told me.

You’re right, there are a lot of fragmented sentences but it’s what works. I also need to point out that I’m not the devil in disguise. I’m a typical spoiled brat. No one took the time to point out the obvious faults. It isn’t just me.

This is typical of human relationships, marriage and friendships. We can see the faults in others but we fail to tell them. Worse, we do tell them but not directly. We give hints and more often than not, they are ignored. Why can’t we tell the other person the truth? I suspect it’s because we are afraid of hurting them, or getting them angry. That is wrong. There are some people who will tell you what you are like, from their perspective. There are even a few that will listen.

The world would be much better off if more of us would listen to others. I don’t mean hear them, I mean listen. When we ‘hear’, the words enter the ear and go nowhere beyond recognizing that words were spoken. When we listen, the words enter the ear and make the correct neural connections. The same analogy applies to look and see. It’s only taken me 60 plus years to see where I need to change. We need to pay attention to what others are telling us because they see the real us. I stated at the beginning what my faults are. I know them because someone was kind enough to point them out. Changing, however, isn’t that easy, but I’m trying.

Let’s see if we can make this a better world by learning to see and listen instead of look and hear. We need to open our minds and shut our mouth more often than we do. We all have our flaws and some are worse than others. I know my flaws and I think there may even be some parts of me that are good. I finally learned to listen. I listen with my heart and my ears. I know the source that told me my flaws and I know it was done to help me, not deflate all that I thought I was. This world needs more people like this.

Posted by theessaywriter at 1:14 PM CDT

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Mood:  happy

I Met Somebody

I met somebody. She lived just down the road. As we grew, we joined in together in the same house. We grew closer and we were wed. Yes, this was a wife. We now had our life to lead together. But, fate stepped in and we parted. Over time we lost touch, but when we see each other, we are still friends, although not close.

I met somebody. Behind the counter and over coffee we would talk. I liked her enough to ask her to meet my parents. With a nod of approval, we soon were wed. Over the years, we changed, but our love remained. As we kept house, I met others, and they too have enhanced my life. You’ll meet them soon. I met someone else and that one almost destroyed my life, but as it turns out, it was my destiny to do this because it influenced future events.

I met somebody. She came into this world quickly and was a bundle of joy from day one. She is our daughter and she is still moving quickly even though she has grown. She has always been my shining star. She will be always. She is soon to meet somebody herself. She deserves the best and the one she will meet will get from my daughter, the very best. It won’t be the elite in material things, but she has enough love to spoil the one she will meet.

I met somebody. This time it was a pair. Two droplets of sunshine peeking under the covers. In stature, small but in potential, unlimited. The twins are two whirlwinds that are the same, yet different. One is like dad, full of spit and fire. The other is the epitome of mom, quiet and reserved. Their lives have enriched mine beyond all limits. Their infinite wisdom and warmth is my universe.

I met somebody. She is amazing. She is a writer. As part of my extended family, I pray she is in my life forever. This young lady is a teammate. I have never known anyone like her and I do believe she is one of a kind. I am very proud to call her friend and family. She stormed into my life and I pray the clouds never part.

I met somebody. He is an artist. He is the son of a writer. Young, yet wise beyond his years. Give this man a palette and he can illuminate a room. With pencil in hand, his papers develop rainbows. This man is also one of a kind.

Posted by theessaywriter at 1:13 PM CDT

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